epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
