my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
