I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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