Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
