every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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