chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
