I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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