I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
