if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
