Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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