jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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