fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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