The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
