Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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