hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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