I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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