And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
