Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
