thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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