we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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