Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
don't judge my taste in strippers
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
