dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
