i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I look better un-naked...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
