So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
