Screwed.edu
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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