wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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