Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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