eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
