every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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