Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
