Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
