Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
