I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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