I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
