either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
