on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
