so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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