I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
