My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
