The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
