I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
