Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
