I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
