I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
