Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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