Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
