So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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