i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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