Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
