shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
