you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
