walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
