Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
