life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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