There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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