I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
