just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
