call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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