All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
