Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
