The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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