explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
