She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
