my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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