idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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