Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
