your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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