well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize