the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
