just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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