The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you made out with another girl for some wings
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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