We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
