Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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