Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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