Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
