The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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